Success In Marriage and Family

Recently as I was studying "The Family: A Proclamation To The World". The part that stuck out to me is about how to be successful or happy within your marriage and your family life. The part I found interesting says: "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. "
     After reading that, I did some reflecting on my own marriage, how it applies to me and felt a desire to expand upon these and how they help me in my own marriage. Even though I haven't been married as long as some  people that may tackle writing about success in their own marriages, I know these principles are true and apply to us all, no matter how long we have been married.

     1. Faith- Faith is an important part of marriage. What is faith? In the Merriam-Webster Dictionary  there are two definitions they are "strong belief or trust in someone or something" the second "belief in the existence of God: strong religious feelings or beliefs" Both definitions are great examples of what I feel to be a success in my marriage. I have faith in God. Also, my wife and I are of the same faith. This helps our marriage because we believe the same things. We support each other and help each other to be better and truly live the principles of our religion. I believe religion is a part of healthy  relationships. But even to those who find themselves not to be religious, you MUST still have faith in your marriage. You must have a strong belief or trust in your spouse. You must believe that they will be faithful to you and only you, that they will be someone you can trust with your deepest emotions, someone you trust to talk to, and someone you honestly feel you have faith in.

     2. Prayer- Again you may ask what is prayer and what if I don't consider myself the religious type? Never fear. Even though I feel religion can help you have a successful marriage, the definition of prayer isn't just communicating with God. In the Merriam-Webster Dictionary there is another definition that I find to be interesting and still keeps with the theme of having a successful marriage and family life. It says, "an earnest request or wish". In our lives we may need to pray for different things in order to be successful such as patience, kindness, and love toward your spouse. You may have to make an earnest request of yourself to do these things and there may be things that you make as an earnest request to your spouse, in order for your marriage to work. Prayer has been important in my own marriage.  I have had to, at times, pray for patience in certain areas of our marriage when I wanted things to be done a certain way. At times, I have had to pray for knowledge of when it is best to just keep quiet because what I have to say isn't that important and could cause more problems. I have learned as I pray that sometimes things don't go your way and you may seem to sacrifice; but, some things are better sacrificed than to cause contention with your spouse. I don't mean to say you sacrifice the big things that need to be solved. You sacrifice the small things such as organization of things in a particular way. I am a very organized and sometimes very messy person. At times though, I want things organized in a certain way. My wife at times isn't as organized or not as good at organizing things in a certain way that utilizes space. Even though at times it is hard for me, that doesn't mean that I have to be super crazy about it. I can sacrifice and make the organization we have work or instead of getting upset, I can talk about it and reorganize it. Then, she can follow the new organization plan. Many times we have times we could argue or be upset with one another and it is best to pick and choose your battles. Sacrifice is an important part of marriage.

     3. Repentance- Repentance or to repent is changing from ones ways and becoming new. In religion we repent of our sins, which is changing from our sin that we have committed and becoming better or changing ones mind. In our marriages we have to be willing to repent. There are things about each of us in our relationships that we will come to change over time and one of the things we will do is repent in our marriages. We will make mistakes and those mistakes will cause us to have regrets or sorrow for what we have done. It will be in those times that we must repent, in order to build and strengthen our marriage.

     4. Forgiveness- To those who have had relationship experience this seems to be really obvious. As I said in the last part of repentance, we make mistakes and so do our spouses. In married life, forgiveness can be the hardest part of having a successful marriage, not that I have found it to be hard yet. I find it better to forgive my wife and continue on the path of a successful marriage. I have many different friends with various problems in life and others that I hear about. I now have a knowledge of struggles within marriage and there is a list of things that can be hard to forgive such as an unfaithful spouse, abuse, pornography, and other serious things that can be hard to be forgiven. I believe that all of these eventually should be forgiven; but, staying in the marriage is another debate. If your spouse abuses you, they must be willing to get help; but if such happens to you, you have to make the decision to stay married or not. But mistakes that may not end your relationship will more than likely point you in the direction of a marriage counselor. In order for your relationship to work in marriage, you MUST forgive one another. If you want it to work, it is an important step in order to have a happy and successful marriage. 

     5. Respect- This another big one. We must respect one another in our marriage. As my wife and I have respect for one another, our love for each other grows stronger. We are happier because we give and are given the respect we deserve. Respect for each other helps you to grow. Respect as one of its definitions is a feeling of admiring someone. When we admire our spouses we can grow closer to them and that helps us to be happy and successful

     6. Love- Another great principle of marriage. Love can be the hardest one though. It may seem easy; but, it isn't. We can't just tell each other we love each other. That is important. But, what ways can you show you love each other? My wife is probably the best at this. I remember how she showed that in January and February. January was my birthday and I remember she had planned to make a cake for me. Being that my birthday was Sunday we celebrated early with a dinner with friends and then bowling and cake. She made a Ninja Turtle cake. This wasn't just some simple cake.  The idea was simple maybe, but there was work involved. The dinner may have not been cooked by her that night, but it was one of my favorite restaurants. Sunday she made me a roast, potatoes and all the fixings for my birthday. This may seem like nothing to some, but for me because of the work and thought put into the effort,  I remember that. It was a way I knew she loved me. Another time was Valentines day when she had bought several things and had sweet notes and things she had found on Pinterest. This is another great example of her showing her love for me. What I am saying is that there are lots of ways to show we love our spouse. We have to know our spouses enough to be able to tell them we love them by our words and actions.

     7. Compassion- Compassion is wanting to help someone whether they be sick, hungry, in trouble, etc. In our marriage, we need to have a desire to help our spouses. Compassion can be one of the ways we show love to our spouses. We need to have  compassion for our spouses, in order to have a happy marriage. I am happiest when I have compassion for my wife. When she has been sick I find joy in helping her to recover or being able to care for her. I am able to feel good for my actions and she feels better because I am showing my love to her by serving her and helping her to feel better.

     8. Work- Another great thing. This could mean employment to provide for the family, work around the house, work in marriage, or whatever you find to be work. A working spouse that earns money helps provide for the family, which helps to have finances to provide for the necessities of your family. What I wish to focus on is  working together with my spouse. I have found this to be as much of a blessing as it is a trial. I feel great when my wife and I accomplish something together through hard work whether it is cleaning the house together, working on meal plans or grocery shopping, or financing. Whatever it is, I feel more accomplished because we have the same goals and desires. It can become hard when we are upset because of the burden of some work loads; but overall, work helps us to become closer and build the relationship up. 

     9. Wholesome recreational activities- This is a great way to stay healthy, relieve stress, have a little fun and break out of your comfort zone. Whether it is both playing a sport you like or going on walks or trying some new sport or activity together for the first time, it is a way to keep healthy physically and a way to relieve stress. The activities themselves may even serve the purpose of building your relationship up and causing there to be less stress in the home. Also, getting out and doing things by yourselves can help, so that you have time to focus on you and relieve a little stress and so that your communication with your spouse is helpful.

These are 9 things I find to be helpful in my marriage. I know that there are a lot more out there and to those of you seeking ways to have successful marriages or those of you whom have them I would love to hear your comments because honestly the goal in life is to be successful in whatever you set your heart and mind to. Whether it is education, relationships, sports, etc. My hope is that my insight can be of help, even if all you take are the 9 things I chose to talk about. I am so grateful that The First Presidency of the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints came out with the Proclamation. It can help us to have successful and happy marriages. I hope that you will take the time to read it and reflect on what you do and can do to improve your marriage. It will make you happier and help your marriage. The goal is always to become better.